I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Randomize
