i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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