It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
