I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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