i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
