My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
