with your own penis?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
