Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just had sex on a roof
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
