forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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