I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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