i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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