He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Actions speak louder than pants.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
