i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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