It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
