heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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