Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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