i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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