i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
