god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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