I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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