pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Are we still banned from the library?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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