My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
