If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
