I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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