i'm signing you up for texting rehab
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
