Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
