So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
