like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
