Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
