Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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