I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No subtext here. People are naked.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I got inside last night via doggy door
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
