she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
