Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
