If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
