Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I believe in your delicious
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
