she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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