Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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