She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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