I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
How's work?
Spinning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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