She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
