Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
