i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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