You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
