So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
