I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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