I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
