so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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