He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
