Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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