hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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