Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
