how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
