suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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