Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
