You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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