According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
