this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My Higher Power is John Stamos
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
