Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
