the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
