It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just had sex bonerless
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
