I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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