my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I party with great urgency now.
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