"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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