I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
