Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
