very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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